


This is what happens when Mal doesn't get enough sleep

by Dragonraptor



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 20:42:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13084983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonraptor/pseuds/Dragonraptor
Summary: After a night of training, Mal is denied the right of hibernating for the rest of the day. A restless fae/dragon with a natural propensity for getting herself in trouble? Nothing good can come out of this.And after this one, Evie may end up with grey hairs.Set in the same AU as Wicked Halloween.





	This is what happens when Mal doesn't get enough sleep

**Author's Note:**

> This one is mainly comedic, partially inspired by an episode of Ed, Edd n Eddy and some personal experiences.

“Percy, are you sure about this?” Mal asked, looking down the steep cliff.

     “Of course!” The demigod said. “What could go wrong?”

     Evie tapped a cheekbone in mock thoughtfulness. “Hmmm… let me see… What could go wrong in pushing my girlfriend down a mountain…”

     The full moon bathed the plains and forests bellow in soft silver. The lights of Auradon Prep flashing like a white flame at the edges of the tree line. The school always left some lights on, though most of the lights in the dorm buildings was off save for a few tiny squares. Not all of Auradon was nature-friendly but the animals in the oh-so-many councils (and a few others races) had managed to keep many portions of the kingdom clean. Here Evie could see the countless stars of the night – all the nebulae and galaxies visible to the naked eye. Mars shone red and Venus was bright as always. She was one of the few stars they could see through the smog of the Isle, though admittedly the more outlying areas from the Town had a cleaner sky and a less foul air. Evie never fully understood why there was so much smog on the Isle since they didn’t have any factories there – sure, _abandoned_ factories but for obvious reasons the villains didn’t produce a lot of things there. Sometimes she wondered if that was a side effect of the Barrier.

     Mal squeezed her hand. “It will be alright, Evie.”

     But Evie wouldn’t be so easily calmed by the prospect. “Are you sure the only way for Mal to master her dragon form is pushing her _off a mountain_?”

     It was a sore spot for her girlfriend. Rage had triggered her transformation but Mal was having difficulty mastering it in a regular situation. She sometimes sneezed fire or smoke left her nose when she got angry. Sometimes Evie was clipping her nails and suddenly her nail clipper would break – when she looked down she saw a razor sharp claw instead of Mal’s surprisingly delicate nails. Now Evie just kept a bunch of nail clippers in her wardrobe. Once Mal fell from a rope during gym (it was Jay’s fault) – she was supposed to have hurt her back badly and Evie remembered falling by her side with a vision burled by tears. Then the girl started laughing as if the fall had tickled her. When Evie pulled the back of her shirt, sure enough her back was armored with purple scales. It was the first time Evie had touched Mal’s scales, they were soft as silk but she could feel they were as hard as adamant. It was also something of a sore spot for Percy. He was taking his new responsibilities as Magic Teacher very seriously, honing the skills of each of his pupils with great care. And Mal’s inability to turn into a dragon was an itch he was dying to scratch. According to him, Mal should’ve slowly mastered her dragon side ever since she was a little baby – all the accidents she was having she was supposed to have had a long time ago and fully matured upon puberty. But because of the Isle she hadn’t and now everything was building up. Uma was a catalysator and now the accidents would be evermore frequent. Percy believed that by forcing Mal to turn to a fully-fledged dragon a couple of times would solve the issue – like push jumping a car. While that made perfect sense for Evie, pushing her girlfriend off a mountainside _did not_.

     “90% sure.”

     Evie crossed her arms. “And what about the 10%?”

     Suddenly big muscular arms wrapped around Evie’s shoulders and dragged her away.

     “Calm down, princess,” Jay drawled. “Percy’s a professional and Mal’s as hard as… well, a dragon.”

     He dragged Evie towards the others that were watching in an irregular semi-circle. Jordan was filming the whole thing with a giant grin. Carlos was shoving his hand into a giant popcorn bucket he had brought all the way up the mountain. Skadi was glaring at him for hogging the bucket, her hand hovering expectantly over his.

     Mal gave her one last look, took a deep breath and turned back towards the empty sky.

     “Okay… on three.” she told Percy before taking another deep breath. “One –”

     “Three!” Percy said and shoved her off the edge.

     Evie was frozen in shock. Mal’s screams echoing from below in a much comedic manner.

     “Any moment now.” Percy said confidently turning away from the edge, his arms crossed.

     Five heartbeats passed – nothing.

     “Percy…” It was Skadi – the only voice that really had any true influence on him.

     “Any moment now…” he said still confident.

     Now it had been ten heartbeats.

     “Percy.” Skadi repeated.

     “Dammit!”

     He disappeared in a flurry of feathers and swooped down the mountainside. Evie’s shock thawed and she ran to the edge but before she could reach it an eagle flew in front of her dragging a blur of purple.

     “Ha!” Jay laughed. “Sky-wedgie!”

     Mal blushed furiously and Evie found herself biting back a laughter at the sight. An eagle grabbing her girlfriend by the panties, still hovering in midair. It was a good thing those were Evie-made.

     “Shut up!” she yelled, her voice a bit more shrill than usual. “Percy put me down!”

     Careful what you ask for. Percy dumped her unceremoniously on the ground, making Mal fall face first into the dust.

     “Serves you right.” Evie said helping her up. “Can we go home now?”

     Mal shook her head. “Not until I get it right.”

     Evie sighted exasperated. _Why do I find this reckless stubbornness attractive?_ “We have classes tomorrow.”

     “This is a class, though.”

     “I’m going to our room,” she told Mal. “Stay a bit more if you want but don’t stay up too long.”

     Mal kissed her cheek. “When have I?”

 

     Evie woke up with the alarm clock. Her and Mal’s room was dark only a delicate light escaping from the behind the curtains. She couldn’t feel Mal’s arm around her and she hadn’t herself around the girl, which either meant Mal was sleeping by the corner of their bed or in the other one. As of recently they were sleeping together but sometimes slept apart. Tapping around the sheets blindly, Evie couldn’t find her girlfriend – so she was in the other bed. Evie couldn’t remember if she was sleeping in her own or Mal’s, at this time it made no difference. She got up and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth, becoming momentarily blind when she flicked the switch of the bathroom. Blinking furiously she went to grab her toothbrush and spread the paste. She was brushing her teeth when she heard the door open and close. Frowning, Evie washed the paste out of her mouth and opened the door of the bathroom. Sure, in the Isle she would’ve pulled a hidden knife from her sleeves and busted into the room with her toothbrush still in her mouth. But this was Auradon – the only burglars here were squirrels after your cookies, at least around these parts anyway.

     Much to her surprise, it was Mal – still wearing her clothes from last night. She reeked of sweat and ash and in the golden light of the bathroom her skin glowed. Now, being pale as she was, Mal always glowed like the moon, but in this case it was as if she was wet… sweat – she was drenched in sweat.

     Evie pursed her lips and crossed her arms. “Did you keep being pushed off a cliff the entire night?”

     Mal blinked at her as her head fell and suddenly shot up again. Her footing was unstable. Normally this would indicate that someone was drunk, but since there was only a limited number of drinks that could actually do that to her, Evie guessed it was sleepiness – Mal always acted drunk when she was in an advanced stage of sleepiness. Back in the Isle this normally happened when she spent entire nights awake planning some scheme or when her mother forced her to stay awake for a wide variety of reasons, some of which Evie would prefer not to remember her girlfriend had to go by.

     “No… that was getting us nowhere so Percy took me to a party.”

     Evie raised an eyebrow. “Party?”

     “A dragon party on a mountain.”

     “Which mountain?”

     “Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!” She dragged the shushing as she crumbled against the crook of Evie’s neck. “It’s a secret dragon secret.”

     “Can I know why he took you to the party?” Mal mumbled something against her skin. “What?”

     She pulled herself away a little from Evie’s skin. “He thought the other dragons could help.”

     _Not a bad idea, actually_ , Evie thought. Maybe they should’ve gone with that before jumping off a mountain.

     “Did they?”

     “What?” Mal asked, now leaning against the side of Evie’s face.

     “Help?”

     “With what?”

     Evie closed her eyes. “With your powers.”

     “Yeah!” Mal said suddenly very animated. She pushed herself off Evie and gave a few unstable paces backwards. “They taught me _Hellfire_!”

     She threw her head back and suddenly released a torrent of fire from her mouth. Evie couldn’t help but yell and dodge out of the way, patting herself frenetically and whipping her head around to access the damage. Luckily – or better, miraculously – nothing caught fire though now their ceiling had a big dark soot stain.

     “Night.” Mal sang as if nothing had happened and flipped down face first on the bed.

     “Mal, no!” Evie said practically feeling a lock of hair turn grey at the prospect of how her day was going to play out. She gently kneeled down beside the bed and kissed her girlfriend’s cheek. “We have class, babe.” 

     Mal mumbled something against the mattress.

     “Come on,” Evie said delicately.

     Under groans of protest, Evie was able to pull Mal away from the bed and drag her (literally) to the bathroom. Before anything else, Mal needed a bath, and in her current state, that meant that Evie would have to give it to her. Ever since they started dating, showering together was a common part of their day, if not for anything else than because it saved time in the morning;  however, Evie had never given a semi-conscious Mal a bath. _This will be interesting_. She started by taking off Mal’s shirt, revealing her lavender lace bra.

     “Eeeeeeee, I’m too tired for sex.”

     The complaint stood in contrast with Mal buckling her hips against Evie’s thighs, which in itself stood in contrast to her head resting in the crook of Evie’s neck. Evie could feel the start of a drool against her skin.

     She bit back a chuckle of amusement. “Mal, stop!” she said, holding the girl firmly and taking off her jeans and underwear.

     “I’m cold!” she protested in a very childlike manner.

     “Turn the shower on, then.”

     Evie then stripped of her own clothes. When she turned back to Mal she noticed the girl was inside the shower, her right hand grasping at the tap but her eyes were closed. Evie shook her head with a smile and opened the shower with Mal still underneath. The fairy yelped and threw herself against Evie who couldn’t help it but laugh as she stirred Mal back underneath the water.

     “You’re mean…” The girl mumbled resting her head against Evie’s shoulder and grasping at her like a baby koala.

     While sleepy Mal might act like a drunkard but she also became ten times more adorable and needy. Evie held her firm under the water to get her decently soaked before she could apply the shampoo and soap. When Mal started gasping because of the water in her face, Evie immediately turned the water off and apologized but the girl didn’t seem to have minded much – she just mumbled dreamily, her head pending from one side to the other. The whole time Mal just stood there, groggy; her head falling and suddenly shooting up, her eyes fluttering wildly. Evie took care not to bother her much, when she had to put her under the water she made sure to cover her nose with her palm and used the other hand to delicately clean her hair. Mal mumbled animatedly and even flirted with her when Evie started soaping her body. Evie just shook her head and smiled. When it was her turn, she put Mal in a corner where she knew the steam would keep her warm and she would be able to rest her head. But suddenly, Mal decided to help out. It was endearing but funny at the same time with Mal mostly keeping her eyes closed and her hands having no coordination whatsoever.

     Drying her was surprisingly easy, since she just leaned against her and enjoyed the softness of the towel. Dressing her was the issue. As soon as she opened the door of the bathroom, Mal gave a few instinctive steps and once again fell face first into the bed. Evie shook her head and with a bit more convincing managed to drag Mal out of the bed. The bra and shirt were easy – the panties and pants were the real nightmare and halfway through Evie was sincerely considering just fitting Mal into one of her dresses (Mal practically didn’t have dresses and the few she did have were mainly for parties and ceremonies). Detail: she was using no clothes during the entire process and the room was quite draffy for some given reason. She sighed a sigh of relief when she finally zipped Mal’s jacket. As soon as Evie said they were all done, Mal promptly got up and threw herself on the bed again. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Evie decided to let her nap a bit as she went to put on some clothes. Since she had the impression she was going to be doing a lot of bending over today, Evie decided to go with shirt and jeans along with her navy blue pea coat she liked.   Turning back to Mal, she had a realization, though perhaps one that she should’ve had earlier:

     “You are not going to really wake up, are you?” she whispered as she sat down and ran her fingers through Mal’s silky hair. Her answer was a mumbling. Evie bit her lips and then snapped her fingers. “I have an idea!”

     Much to her credit, Mal did not open her eyes while Evie finished painting her eyes on her eyelids. Mal might’ve been the artist of the group but Evie had long memorized every detail of her eyes and had long mastered the art of makeup. With her large variety of colors and brushes she was able to paint realistic eyes on Mal’s eyelids. This at least would keep her out of trouble during the classes. Because of some Auradonian tradition Evie didn’t know very well, classes today would only go until lunch – which meant only two classes. After that Evie would bring Mal to their room and let her rest here for as long as she wanted, and since tomorrow would be Saturday, that meant a long time.

     “Come on,” she told Mal, helping her get up and guiding her towards the door. “First breakfast, then two classes. We can do it.”

     Nobody suspected a thing as they walked down the corridor. Evie had put sunglasses on Mal – which would not work for the classes but did miracles for the corridor, especially because the light had started to bother Mal. The girl was completely leaned against Evie, which wasn’t that much out of the common and when Mal did not reciprocate the people’s good morning… well, it was all inside the norm. Evie was really worried how she would get Mal out of trouble during classes. If only she could find Percy…

     “Mal, careful!” she hissed pushing the cereal bowl out of the way as Mal’s head fell. She softened her fall with her other hand. Unfortunately, Mal’s head was very hard. Evie bit back a yell as the pain of being hit by Mal’s forehead ramified through her hand.

     “How high is she?” Mallory, daughter of Prince Hamish of DunBroch, asked.

     Evie scowled. “She’s not high – she’s sleepy. Ask your roommate why.”

     “I would but, like, she just got home from a party last night. Said Percy had given her the day off.”

     “Of course, he bloody did.”

 

     Their first class was Math. Mrs. Dodds was their teacher – a bat faced woman with nails that were too long and a glare that was too hard for a teacher. She insisted in wearing plain grey dresses and a pair of hideous glasses. Evie could ignore all these things, including the fact that she was a _terrible_ teacher. What she could not ignore was the fact that the woman had an exaggerated prejudice against Mal. As soon as the woman entered the room, Evie made sure to give Mal a couple more books to rest her chin on, to at least give the impression that Mal was sitting somewhat upright. She also convinced Herc son of Hercules to sit in front of them so Mal was partially hidden. The class went on slowly, too slowly for Evie’s liking. Her blood was frozen the entire time. Percy would help out if Mal got in trouble, wouldn’t he? Of course he would. Of course he would.

     Disaster struck when there were only five minutes left for the end of their class. Mrs. Dodds had written an equation on the board and asked if anybody knew the answer. Of course, nobody knew, not even Evie. Mrs. Dodds liked to do this sort of thing – it was a University level math problem dressed up as a High School problem. Evie closed her eyes as she heard the dreadful woman call Mal’s name. It only made matters worse that she had to call Mal a second time and all Mal did was mumble.

     “Were you sleeping again during my class?” she asked, grinning because most certainly she knew that Mal wasn’t paying attention – Mal never paid attention to Mrs. Dodds lessons. “Well, if you weren’t than you most certainly can answer this question. But if you can’t… that would be a third strike, and you know what that means…” She made a dramatic pause. “Detention.”

     Evie buried her face in her hands. _I’m going to claw that bitch’s eyes out!_

     “So Mal,” she said stepping out of the way of the board so Mal could see it properly – at least she had that little bit of decency. “What is it?”

     “What is what?” Mal mumbled sleepily.

     Evie whined into her palms. The rest of the class chuckled nervously, they were too uncomfortable around Mrs. Dodds to properly laugh.

     “The answer to the equation. Come on, _Maleficent_ , give me a number.”

     “Hmmm… seven.”

     Evie pushed her hands further into her face, just waiting for Mrs. Dodds sneer. But it never came. The silence was so thick even Evie, who wasn’t seeing anything, could feel it. Slowly, she pulled her face away to see Mrs. Dodds staring at Mal in utmost horror.

     “C – correct.”

     And by the grace of all the things that were ever worshiped, the bell rang. Mal winced and growled in protest. Evie quickly hopped off her chair shoved her things inside her bag, shoved Mal’s things in there too and grabbed her girlfriend and bolted out of the room before their luck ran out.

     Philosophy was a class where she could breathe. Evie was certain of it when she entered the classroom and Professor Leo was sleeping on his chair, snoring loudly. Leo was fun enough though Evie couldn’t really say he actually taught philosophy rather than just talk about random things. Truth be told, Professor Leo didn’t really look like a teacher (nor did he always remember he was one). He had long salt and pepper hair and beard and wore glasses along with a pair of jeans and jean vest over a flannel shirt. The noise of the students did not affect him and he stayed asleep until half the class had gone by and woke up because one of Chad’s paper planes accidentally hit him in the forehead.

     “Hey man, what are you all doing here?” he asked blinking heavily.

     “It’s time for your class, Professor.” Ally said.

     “It is?” he asked surprised. “What do I teach?”

     “Philosophy.”

     “Wow, man! I don’t even remember going through college, man.” he said getting up. “I do remember going to a party there, though. It was kind of boring at first and everybody was dressed like the president. Less for a few dudes who were dressed funny in a conga line. They looked cooler so I joined them – the slowest conga of my life, man. And then, suddenly, these old people start shaking my hand and gave me a piece of paper – then everybody threw their hats up! If I had known, I would have brought my own hat to throw too.”

     Okay, that explained _a lot_. Like why he called Aristotle the “Bearded Dude”, Descartes was “D’Artagnan” and Voltaire was “The Chick”. Or why he spent an entire class talking about the time he met God on a bus and that aliens were terrible at astrology.

     “What do you think about Globalism, Mal?” he asked her as he walked aimlessly around the room.

     “Strawberries.” Mal answered.

     “That’s deep, man.” he said contemplating one of the lights on the ceiling. “See class? You can say much by saying little. Tell us, Wise Mal, what do you think of love?”

     “Evie…” she mumbled happily in her dreamy state.

     The room erupted in a wave of  “AWWWWWWWW!” which included Professor Leo. Evie’s heart made a double flip and she blushed a violent shade of red. Smiling like an idiot, she reached over and grabbed Mal’s hand, who curled her fingers around her own. She wasn’t entirely sure how much conscious was Mal’s answer but Evie couldn’t help but feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The bell rang just then and the other students started leaving. Professor Leo frowned and started looking for the source of the sound.

     “Come on, sleepyhead.” Evie said softly as she helped Mal up.

     Professor Leo was whipping his head around. “Oh, no! I don’t think the aliens liked my criticism, man.” He grabbed Mal’s arm. “Hey cover for me when the Martian Fuzz get here, man.”

     Mal mumbled something, her cheek glued to Evie’s.

     Leo became teary eyed. “I will remember these words in the darkest of nights, man.”

     And with that he sped out of the room, almost knocking down two of Rapunzel’s daughter’s in the process.

     “And I thought Dragon Hall had problematic staff.” Evie muttered as she led Mal out of the classroom.

     The plan involved taking Mal to their room, leaving her there and then going for a bite. But her bladder seemed to disagree with her. She tried to hold it as much as she could but after a few meters the sensation was unbearable.

     “Dammit!” she hissed.

     Evie looked around for some help. The corridor was relatively full of students and since she was in Auradon any of them would more than gladly help her out but Evie’s instincts were from the Isle. Luckily, Kuzco son of Kuzco was strolling down the corridor. Today he wore a deep red trench coat lined with gold, a golden llama shaped brooch along with heavy jade earrings.

     “Kuzco,” Evie called.

     He stopped startled and did, well, something she imagined he thought was a Kung Fu position. He quickly schooled himself when he noticed who she was and tried for a nonchalant pose.

     “Yeah?” he asked adjusting his deep magenta ascot with swirling patterns.

     “Do me a favor and watch over Mal while I go to the bathroom?”

     “Sure –”

     “Thanks!” Evie said and sped off.

 

     Kuzco frowned as she watched Evie run. _Why does she need me to watch Mal?_ He was about to ask Mal that exact question when he noticed Mallory in the distance.

     “My beloved!” he cried.

     The silly goose sped off when she saw him. She was always playing hard to get. Kuzco went after her.

     Mal stayed there for a few moments but just then her nose caught a smell.

     “Hmmm, _strawberries_.” she mumbled and her feet started leading her to the origin of the smell.

     While used to her, the students of Auradon Prep still feared the Daughter of Maleficent and generally scrambled out of her way. In her semi-conscious state this proved beneficial since there was no chance of tripping or stumbling on somebody. Her feet took her down corridors and around curves until she arrived at the dining hall. Just like in the corridors, people stumbled out of her way, clutching their trays with great care not to drop anything as Mal followed her nose. The line opened up for her to pass. Mal jumped over the corner and entered the kitchen. Nobody stopped her. It wasn’t really the first time Mal had budged into the kitchen uninvited or unannounced. Evie sometimes didn’t like her food or needed something specific. Her best friend was always more than happy to make sure her needs were seen to. The number of workers in the kitchen always varied according to need but right now only the three chefs were present, three children of Chef Remy: Macaron, who was blue; Baguette, who was a deep wine; and Petit-Gateau, who was a dark pink. They were sitting on the far side of the room, chopping up vegetables – well, Macaron and Petit-Gateau were, Baguette was eating a piece of cheese.

     “Hey, Mal,” Macaron called when the rats noticed her enter. “Can we help you?”

     Mal didn’t answer, she buried her hand into the bowl of strawberries and started plopping them into her mouth.

     “I think she’s helping herself.” Baguette stated, taking a bite from his cheese.

     The three rats watched Mal eat for a while.

     “How hungry is she?” Macaron asked.

     Petit-Gateau rolled her eyes. “No, you idiots,” she said and picking up a napkin she crossed the kitchen and climbed all the way to Mal’s head. The fairy didn’t even react to her. Petit-Gateau wiped off the eyes Evie had painted. “She’s asleep.”

     “She’s a sleepwalker – like me!” Baguette said happily.

     “And she steals the food like you too.” Macaron mumbled.

     Suddenly Mal sniffed another smell. The rats had been preparing a giant chocolate cake, the dark brown batter filling the kitchen with the fragrance.

     “Chocolate.” she mumbled dreamily, scooping the strawberry bowl in one arm and moving towards the bowl with the chocolate batter.

     The movement made Petit-Gateau destabilize and fall with an indignant yelp which were followed by a series of French cuss words and the laughter of her brothers. Mal paid attention to none and dipped her finger in the bowl and brought it to her mouth. Approving of the taste, she dipped her entire hand and then sucked the chocolate off each inch of skin. Then she scooped a large glob of chocolate and slapped it over her strawberries. She ate them happily as she left the kitchen through the door that led to the corridor. The three rats watched her go and then scrambled towards the bowl – well, Macaron and Petit-Gateau did, Baguette stayed put eating his cheese.

     “Should we make a new one?” Petit-Gateau asked.

     “Nah,” Macaron waved the idea away. “The dirt will give it a bit of spice.”

 

     _Much better_ , Evie sighted as she left the bathroom and walked towards where she left Kuzco and Mal. _Now to get Mal home…_

     But Mal and Kuzco were gone. Evie tried not to panic at first. Maybe Kuzco had simply taken her somewhere to sit – not even he could be so oblivious to not notice Mal’s condition… And it was while hoping for that, that Evie noticed Kuzco leaning against the lockers trying to charm Mallory, who was ignoring him from behind her own locker.

     “Please tell me you stored my girlfriend inside your locker, Kuzco.” Evie said to herself as she marched up towards the two.

     Mallory apparently lost her patience and smashed her locker closed and was about to tell Kuzco something when Evie arrived there. Whatever it was that Mallory had to yell, she could do later.

     “Where’s Mal?” Evie asked crossing her arms.

     Kuzco frowned. “She’s right here!” He pointed with his head at the side that Mal probably was with him when he last saw her. When she wasn’t there, he made a 360º search for her and when he most obviously didn’t find her, he scratched his head. “Huh… she was _supposed_ to be here.”

     Evie took a deep calming breath and immediately pined Kuzco against the lockers.

     “ _Listen_ ,” she snarled, completely ignoring the students frowning at her. They followed their way anyway, they were used to the VKs pinning people against lockers by now. “Mal didn’t sleep last night – which means she’s sleepy. Now, she is walking around the school like a zombie.” She pushed him harder against the lockers. “Mal is naturally inclined to getting herself in trouble when perfectly conscious. I don’t even want to _think_ about the probabilities in her current condition. And you don’t want me to find out, either.”

     Kuzco nodded frenetically. “Nope!”

     Evie felt somebody touch her arm. It was Mallory. Her face was somewhere between amused and worried.

     “Let him go,” she told Evie. “He’s an idiot but he doesn’t mean it.”

     Evie nodded, her breath turning even again and dumped Kuzco.

     “Thank you, my love,” he told Mallory.

     “Don’t push it, dumbass.”

     Obviously, Kuzco ignored that remark. “I’m very sorry, Evie,”

     “Oh, you will be if anything happens.”

     “But nothing will! Behold!” He produced from his coat a tiny flask with a pink liquid inside. “I shall scout the school after her.”

     He heroically drank the potion and struck a pose. There was a pink cloud of dust and in his place was a… kiwi. Evie face palmed so hard it actually hurt.

     “ _Kiwi?!_ ” The bird squeaked. “Oh, well, kiwi away!” he yelled running down the corridor… and almost got kicked by one of the students. “Hey bud, watch it!”

     Mallory shook her head and chuckled… fondly?

     “You… like him?”

     The Scot turned scarlet and suddenly Evie felt a knife to her throat.

     “Insinuate that again and you’ll regret it!”

     Evie rolled her eyes and pushed the knife away with a finger. After living in the Isle this sort of thing hardly startles you – depending on the person it was the equivalent to “good morning”.

     “You could’ve just said ‘yes’.” Evie told her.

     Mallory mumbled something in Gaelic and sheathed her knife – she was one of the few Auradonians to walk with one.

     “Okay, where do we start?” She asked.

     Evie sighted tired. “I don’t now… somewhere with strawberries, maybe? She’ll probably be drawn to the scent. Where do they have strawberries around here?”

     “I don’t know… maybe the kitchen?”

 

     How Mal managed to sleepwalk from the kitchens to the far end of the gardens while holding and eating chocolate covered strawberries is one of life’s many mysteries. But the food was gone now and Mal had found herself a comfortable place in the shadow of a blooming cherry tree where she had curled up and was sleeping merrily.

     “Mal! There you are!” Audrey cried happily.

     So loud was her voice that it made Mal lift her head and blink. If she wasn’t still in Dreamland then most surely she would’ve jumped back in fright over the sight of Audrey’s hair. To say it was a lunatic bird’s nest that had gone through a hurricane during a blizzard was too kind.

     “So… Jane tried that hair thing on me again. What do you think?”

     Mal didn’t answer, her eyes were closed and she was sleeping again.

     “ _Mal!_ ”

     The fairy lifted her head in fright despite her having no current ability to keep it up.

     “So, how’s my hair? Is it perfect like Evie’s?”

     A smile spread in her face by the mention of that name. “Beautiful…”

     Audrey squeaked and jumped. “Perfect! I finally beat your girlfriend! Thanks Mal for the honesty. Ta-da!”

     “Ta… da…” Mal mumbled as she fell asleep again.

     But only a few moments later a passing by Jay spotted her.

     “Oi! Mal! Come here.” Jay called and when she didn’t move he added: “Okay I’ll go there.” He did so quickly and kneeled in front of Mal. “So, I need you to help me in a scheme,” he said pulling a long piece of rope from his jacket. “Here’s my plan, you’ll turn this rope invisible and I’ll tie it somewhere very tall. People are going to pass by and see me climbing in ‘thin air’ and they’ll give me money! I promise I’ll give you 10%.”

     For obvious reasons, Mal didn’t answer.

     “Okay! Okay! 20%.”

     Still, Mal didn’t move, she was too contently dreaming about Evie dressed in strawberries to be bothered by the real world.

     “40%! And I’ll throw in a big bowl of strawberries.” That word made Mal stir a bit. “Aha! Knew that would convince you. Now do the spell.”

     “Hmmm?”

     “The spell, Mal,” he repeated. “Are you high or something? Come on, do the rope thing!”

     “ _Tas_ …”

     Immediately the ropes sprang to life and wrapped themselves around Jay as if he were a mummy.

     “Mal!” he yelled.

     That got Mal to open her eyes a bit but all she saw was a big red pillow.

     “Comfy…” she said crawling over him and laid there like a lazy cat.

     “Mal?”

     She groaned annoyed and started punching Jay until she finally seemed pleased with his new “fluffiness”. She curled there comfortably and started snoring lightly.

     Jay sighted. “Ah, _great_ ,”

     They stayed there, alone in the grass until Chad spotted them and went running towards them.

     “Chad!” Jay cried.

     “Hey, Jay!” But he quickly turned his attention towards Mal. “Hey, Mal – so I’ve heard through the grapevine that you are, like, a math genius.” He pulled a piece of paper out of his backpack. “So, I had this homework-exam-thing I had to take care of and I kind of didn’t. Can you do it for me?” He frowned when she remained silent. “ _Come on Mal_ … don’t make me beg.” Then he noticed her eyes were closed and he pulled her eyelids open. “Just give it a look – I’ll give you strawberries.”

     “What…?” Mal asked groggily.

     “Uh… Chad…”

     “Shhh, Jay. Numbers, Mal!”

     “Ten, seven, eight, twenty-three and strawberries…”

     Chad frowned and looked at his homework. “I swore the answer was _apples_. Thanks Mal.”

     “Wait!” Jay cried. “Chad!”

     But the boy was already gone.

 

     “Oui, oui,” Macaron said as he stirred some soup. “Mal appeared here and took all the strawberries and a bit of the cake batter.”

     “With her fingers!” Baguette yelled from where he was nibbling on a slice of cheese.

     “The same cake that is in the oven?” Mallory asked.

     “Oui.”

     She turned to Evie. “Remember me not to eat that cake.”

     Evie ignored her. “Did you see where she went?”

     “No.”

     “ _Shit!_ ” Evie cursed and stormed out of the kitchen.

     “Ah… young love.” Macaron said.

     “Dude,” Petit-Gateau said from where she was frying some fries. “She’s older than you.”

     Mallory rolled her eyes and left the kitchen before she had to witness another rat bickering. She found Evie leaning against the wall, her face buried in her hands. Her sobs were echoing in the empty corridor.

     “Calm down,” Mallory said rubbing her shoulders. “What harm could she have come to in Auradon? Certainly somebody found her already. She’s probably with Jay or Carlos.”

     Evie’s head shot up so quickly that she almost broke Mallory’s nose. Her eyes weren’t puffy yet but they were bloodshot and there was a humid circle around her eyes.

     “Of course!” she yelled and speeded down the corridor.

     “You’re quick for somebody in high heels!” Mallory yelled as she tried to reach her.

 

     Kiwis are not good for tracking people.

_Seriously, why do we even have a kiwi potion?_

     Still, Kuzco did not give up on his mission: to impress Mallory – er – save himself from Evie’s wrath… no, that’s not noble at all – help find Mal, yeah, that’s a noble cause. One would think it would be easy to find a purple haired girl clad in purple around here, especially since much of the coloring revolved around yellow and blue. Yet, the hot-headed fairy was proving quite hard to track. Then again he was short and couldn’t fly.

     “Has anyone seen, Mal?” he asked.

     “Yeah!” Audrey said somewhere besides him. “She’s in the garden.”

     “Why, thank you –” Kuzco finished the phrase with a strangled sound when he actually saw Audrey.

     Her hair… there were no words in the tongues of Men to describe what it looked like, or the sheer terror that overtook Kuzco’s heart at the sight. Knowing Audrey, he guessed she hadn’t looked in the mirror that morning. She waved him away pleasantly and went back to making poses for the people taking pictures of her. Kuzco felt like he should warn her but then again, each second that went on Mallory was less impressed with his tracking abilities and Evie was closer to turning him into a coat. So he did the right thing: he left the girl to find out by herself that she was hideous today.

     The walk to the garden felt like an odyssey and Kuzco reached the grass breathless. After a few moments of wheezing he lifted his head and managed to spot something purple beneath a tree.

     “How the hell did she get there?” he asked as he started his long journey.

     For him the grass was tall and some bushes were inevitable making his journey up the tiny hill feel more like a hiking through the woods than a pleasant walk through the school’s garden. After much effort he managed to reach the girl. She was curled like a cat over a bundle of rope. He hopped on the bundle and it suddenly shook and cussed.

     “Watch the face!” it yelled.

     Kuzco looked down and saw between his talons the squashed face of Jay son of Jafar. “Oh, hey Jay, what are you doing here?”

     “Mal tied me up.”

     “But she is asleep.”

     “That seems to be the issue.”

     “Okay…” Kuzco turned his attention back to the girl. “Hey! Mal! Blueberry is looking for you! Wake up!” he said and beaked her nose.

     Mal blinked a bit, her blurry eyes focusing on the bird in front of her.

     “Fluffy…” she mumbled and snatched Kuzco, bringing him up to her face. “Cuddly…”

     “I’m a kiwi not a teddy bear!” he protested.

     Kuzco managed to wiggle his way out of her hands and jumped on her head.

     “Come on, Mal!” he said and beaked her head. “I have to impressed Mallory!” He beaked her again. “And Evie is going to skin me alive if I don’t get you to her.”

     “Evie…?” she asked.

     “Yes, yes!” Kuzco said impatiently pulling a few strands of purple. “Let’s go see _Evie_.” he whispered the last word in her ear. “Up with you! Come on!”

     Mal groggily got up, smiling contently to herself as Kuzco more or less navigated her towards the school with his beak and a few strands of hair.

     “Hey! Guys!” Jay yelled as he trashed against his bonds. “A little help? GUYS!”

 

     Mal wasn’t with Carlos and they couldn’t find Jay. So Evie went for the next best thing – and perhaps the person she should’ve sought for first – Percival de la Fleur. She made it a personal matter to knock loudly on the door. Despite the loud noise it made, and Evie knocking harder each time, it took about five knocks for Percy to answer the door.

     The first thing Evie noticed was that Percy was female as of that moment. Secondly, she was holding a crystal glass filled with what looked like Coke. Thirdly, for some given reason she was wearing silver claw rings (Percy, for some given, reason liked them). And lastly, and perhaps most importantly, she was rocking a blue, silk bathrobe with a green and red oriental dragon coiling about. Why was that so important? Evie had a similar one, and the demigoddess was wearing it better than her – that was just to add insult, she was certain of it.

     “What bit you?” Percy asked.

     Evie opened her mouth but Mallory cut her through.

     “How are you _awake_?” she asked. “Your girlfriend is knocked out and your padawan is basically a sleep-zombie.”

     Percy frowned and glanced at Evie. Something akin to understanding flashed in her green eyes.

     “Ah, I see.” Turning around, she waved for them to follow.

     The inside of Percy’s room was much bigger than that of any student, but then again, she was a teacher. An irresponsible teacher with the maturity of a teenager but a teacher either way. The floor was made of irregular flagstone. On one end were four great arched windows that overlooked the campus and the city and forests beyond – popping in the far distance Evie could see the darkest tips of the Isle and to the northeast great mountains such as Bald Mountain and Firebird Volcano. Over each arch was the symbol of the four elements. Fire, air, water and earth, in that exact sequence. Besides the great windows was a king sized, four poster bed. The columns were shaped like great ivy clad tree trunks and dark leaves made the canopy, between the leaves were what looked like tiny crystals that glittered like stars making the whole thing look like the night sky being held by trees. In front of it was a fireplace large enough to house a small car, flanked by a pair of blooming cacti, and above it a similar sized flat screen TV with all sorts of consoles attached – the mere sight making Carlos drool worst than Dude. In a niche besides the door was a rather large minibar, a wall filled with hexagonal shelves filled with scrolls, tomes, books and small statues, flasks and trinkets. A round table with a giant flytrap in the middle, which moved on its own accord, small vines whipping near the edge of the pot it was planted in. Small throne like chairs surrounded the table. A corridor led to the bathroom, on each wall was a sliding door Evie guessed led to a pair of walk through closets. The molding and the baseboard were made of vine patterns, as were the columns though these were also Greek and so it gave the impression that the vines had overtaken the columns as if in some old temple.

     “What do you see?” Evie asked after she had taken everything in.

     “That you are worried.” Percy answered calmly, setting her glass on the round table.

     Suddenly the flytrap snatched the glass and poured its contents in the soil before opening the minibar and shoving the glass inside. The three jumped out of the way in shock, even though they were a good three meters from the creature.

     “That’s Groot, by the way,” Percy said. “One of my experiments. Don’t worry, that mouth is just for show, he can’t digest or keep you locked up – he is quite fragile physically, actually. Though he is very resistant to poisons, I use him mainly as a safe way to dispose dangerous liquids. Acid, poison, potion… Groot can absorb most of it without harm.”

     “Cool,” Carlos drooled even more and gave a step forward. “If each lab had one of these we wouldn’t have to throw such things in the water systems! Percy! This could be a game changer! An ecological marvel!”

     “I know.” The demigoddess stated. “But apparently the appearance is not… er, consumer friendly. And Groot is still in test phase. Fairy Godmother wants me to put it in the chemistry lab anyway, so maybe that’ll help.”

     Normally Evie would be very interested in what they were talking about. Coming from the Isle, she had seen in firsthand what chemicals in the water did to the aquatic life… and what was around it. And the _smell_. For some given reason all chemistry Auradon threw in the water managed to reach the Isle. Perhaps she shouldn’t be very surprised about that. As of right now, Evie was worried about something else, though.

     “Percy, Mal is missing,” Evie repeated what everybody already knew. “I need your help and why didn’t you give Mal a pass for the day?”

     Percy frowned. “I did, just like I gave Skadi. She couldn’t hold the card, though, and she insisted to go back to your dorm alone, she was conscious enough and me and Skadi were too horny to protest. So we let her go alone. But she couldn’t carry the card right – sleepy and all – so I put it in her jacket. I figured either she would remember or you would check her pockets since you always clean her stuff.”

     Evie face palmed so hard it echoed in the room, stung and she was pretty sure it would leave a mark for a good few hours.

     “Anyway,” Percy went on. “To answer your question, Mallory, after living in the Underworld for so long you lose the need to sleep much – or even at all… mostly. Truth be told, only Skadi can get me to sleep these days. I’ll help you guys find Mal, just let me change.”

     Evie heard Percy’s footsteps echo against the flagstone and then the sound of a door sliding. She pulled her hand away from her stinging face and sat down on the fluffy bed. Narrowing her eyes, she looked at Percy’s nightstand. There was one photo of Percy and Cerberus – the hellhound shrunk to the size of a lion, its three heads drooling amiably like an overgrown demonic puppy. The other one showed Percy and Evie on the roof of her mother’s tower. Another showed Percy and Mal sitting on a pair of plastic chairs in an Isle street, their stance like they ruled the place, and probably they did. Both those photos were, like, a hundred years ago. A newer one showed Percy and his demigod friends – Maui, Hercules and… okay Doofenshmirtz and Perry were not demigods but she guessed it counted. There was also an older woman Evie did not recognize, she seemed to be from one of the northern tribes. Finally her eyes fell on a gilded frame. It showed Percy and Skadi in an autumnal background, it could barely be a few weeks old. Evie brushed her fingers over it.

     “You know,” Mallory said suddenly appearing beside her. “I had never seen Skadi happier than what she’s been in these last few weeks.”

     “Yeah,” Evie breathed. “Neither have I ever seen Prince Dumbass so happy, either.”

     “Did somebody call me?”

     Evie frowned because that voice was definitely male. Turning she found that Percy was back at being male. He had donned a dark long coat and a fedora and had gotten rid of the claw rings, save for the one on his right index finger.

     “No,” Evie said. “But since you are here, what’s the plan?”

     “Do you still have your mirror?”

     Evie froze. “Uh…” She was positively scarlet right now.

     “You lost it, didn’t you?”

     “Actually, I kinda forgot about it… I don’t know where it is.”

     “So you lost it.”

     “No…”

     Percy sighed. “Do you have any sort of lead?”

     “We think she may be with Jay,” Carlos stated. “But we can’t find him.”

     “That’s simple enough.” Percy said.

     “How is that simple?” Mallory asked. “The school is huge.”

     “Yes,” Percy agreed. “But remember that beanie I gave him?”

     They nodded.

     “Well, it has a tracker. So I can hunt him down quickly after he has stolen my stuff.”

     Silence overtook the room. Suddenly, Carlos fell to his knees.

     “You. Are. A. God.” he said in wonder.

     “I was one,” Percy corrected him as he pulled his smartphone out. “Jay’s in the garden.”

     Evie wasn’t entirely sure what she waiting for in the garden. In some ways she had been expecting to find Mal sleeping serenely amongst a few flowers, and Jay zealously keeping guard over her. Then again, even Auradon had its limits in fairytales and miracles. So to be frank, she wasn’t at all surprised to find Jay tied up under the blooming cherry tree.

     “Jay!” Evie cried when she found him. “Have you seen Mal?”

     The boy stared at her from where he still was laying on the ground. “You find me tied up and _that_ is the first thing you ask? No _what happened, Jay?_ Or, _are you alright, dude?_ ”

     Mallory rolled her eyes and cut him loose. Jay sighted dramatically as he jumped up and flexed his muscles.

     Evie crossed her arms, her eyes darting to the empty bowl where ants had swarmed over what was left of the chocolate. “Let me guess, you got inspired by that rope trick we saw the other day in that movie. You went to Mal and asked her to bewitch a piece of rope you stole from the gym, and this happened.”

     “Yeah…”

     Evie opened her mouth and then closed it, bringing her fists to the sides of her head and then dropping them. “Jay…” she breathed in a dangerously calm voice. “By any chance did you notice that her eyes were closed?”

     “Yeah,”

     “And did she seem a little… sleepy?”

     “Yeah,”

     She smacked the back of his head.

     “OW!” Jay cried bringing both hands to the spot. “Big ring! Which I stole for you, by the way!”

     “No, this ring Mal stole for me. You stole the ruby one.”

     “Oh, right.”

     Mallory looked between them. “Wow, this is probably the first time I heard a discussion like this.”

     “You get used to it,” Percy told her.

     “Then what happened?” Evie asked.

     “She curled over me and started napping.” Jay said. “Then Kuzco the Talking Kiwi appeared and the two headed off.”

     Carlos frowned. “Talking Kiwi?”

     “I’ll explain it later,” Mallory assured him. Then she turned to Evie. “See, Eves? Kuzco found her. She is safe.” Her tone sounded like she wanted to say: _Hey! Kuzco did not screw over! Maybe he’s not useless after all._

     “You really want to convince me that a sleepwalking Mal is safe with a fucking kiwi for a bodyguard?”

     Mallory bit her lip. “Well…”

     “Kiwi’s can be very vicious,” Percy stated.

     “Yeah,” Carlos chimed in. “I saw a documentary the other day on Animal Planet –”

     “Enough is enough,” Evie snapped. “I’m bringing out the big guns.”

 

     For years Kuzco thought the hardest thing was driving a llama, then he decided it was driving cars, now he was certain it was driving Mals. He had some sort of control over the girl but for most of the time, if she decided to wonder off, she did and the effort to put her back on the right track normally left him puffing. Sincerely? He was just pleased there wasn’t an angry mob after them, because, like, Mal had this tendency to spread chaos wherever she went. Be it bumping into people and sending them to the ground. Sniffing out anything strawberry scented and stealing it. Interrupting their bathroom time. Their making out time. Their studying time. Or just outright sneezing and turning the gym ropes into anacondas, the textbooks into man-eating monster books and making paper planes rebel against their makes and start shooting spitballs and doing kamikaze attacks. It took Kuzco a while to realize it was his feathers that were causing her to sneeze. There wasn’t much he could do about it, though. Kuzco _did_ apologize for each incident, however. Sometimes that did more harm than good because a lot of people hadn’t realized it had been Mal’s doing until Kuzco yelled a _I’m Sorry!_

     “Hey,” a girl’s voice called. “Is Mal sleepwalking?”

     Kuzco lifted his eyes from the complex lock system he was using to pilot the girl. Freddie, Ally and Jordan were strolling down the corridor. Freddie leaned over, hands behind her back, and her eyes gleaming with curiosity and mischief.

     “Kinda, yeah,” Kuzco said through a beakful of purple hair. “And anywhere in a radius of ten meters is considered a dangerous hazard zone.”

     Naturally, they ignored his warning.

     “Let’s have fun!” Freddie said jumping.

     “Babe…” Ally whined. “The talking kiwi just said it was dangerous…”

     “Oh, come on, Ally,” Jordan said bringing out her phone. “This is going to be viral.”

     “I really wouldn’t –”

     “ _Hey, Mal_ ,” Freddie whispered loudly in a voice that wasn’t her own. “ _It’s Maleficent…_ ”

     The girl whimpered. “M-mom?”

     She started vibrating with magic. _Oh, shit_ , Kuzco thought.

     “ _Yes, you nasty little girl_ ,” Freddie and Jordan stopped to giggle a bit. Ally, however, was already picking up on the bad vibes. “ _I’m back… and I’m coming after you!_ ”

     The two girls crumbled into a fit of giggles.

     “Stay back!” Mal yelled picking up a trash can that was just besides them. There was a puff of purple smoke and suddenly Mal was holding a piano she had no physical strength to hold.

     Freddie’s jaw dropped. “Since when can she –”

     “I wish we will be unharmed!” Ally cried.

     Kuzco winced when the piano fell over the girls. When the dust settled, he found the three girls unscathed but pretty much stuck inside the piano, their arms completely bound inside the hole they had formed.

     Mal wiped her hands proudly. “Stay away from my friends!” she yelled and went on moving as if nothing had happened.

     “Sorry!” Kuzco yelled over his shoulder.

     After a few more incidents, the kiwi and the dragon managed to reach the dorm buildings. Luckily, it was empty at this hour. Maybe the gods were smiling upon them. Slowly, ever so painfully slowly, the two made their way up the staircase and through corridors until they facing the door of Mal and Evie’s room. There was just one problem, Kuzco couldn’t open it, which meant…

     “Okay, Mal,” Kuzco said pecking a purple lock. “I need you to open the door to your dorm.” He gently pulled the lock. “Delicately, now –”

     Suddenly, Mal’s right hand shot up and slapped herself in the face. The slapping sound echoed terribly in the empty hall. Immediately, Kuzco’s tiny wings tried to reach his face but they were too small so he just closed his eyes and hid his face in Mal’s hair. He was just waiting for it – the dragon’s wrath – for Mal to start cursing and yelling and smashing him against the wall. But nothing happened. Tentatively he opened an eye and found the world just as he had left it – not bathed in emerald flames. Looking down he saw that Mal still sported that stupid serene sleepy face.

     “Whew,” he breathed. “Okay, let us try that again.”

     He plucked another tuff with his tiny wings. Mal’s left hand shot up and slapped herself again. Kuzco waited but nothing happened.

     “Maybe this…”

     Now both hands slapped Mal. The echo was so loud, Kuzco was afraid Evie would hear and at any moment a blue tornado would come running from the corner. None such thing happened, though.

     “How can you still be _asleep_?” Kuzco asked the girl.

     He tried pecking another lock – this time Mal’s hand lifted but didn’t slap her. Giving it a gentle tug he found out he could control it.

     “I’m a genius!” he mumbled through the hair. “Now, delicately…”

     Good news: he managed to make Mal grasp the doorknob. Bad news: she lacked the coordination and strength to turn it.

     “Okay, maybe with two…?”

     Grabbing another lock with his near none existing wings, he managed to make the other hand rest over the knob as well. Slowly the weight of the two hands started making the doorknob turn…

     “Yes… just a little more…”

     Suddenly, Mal froze. She lifted her head and started sniffing the air. Her feet started turning on their own.

     “Hmmm,” Mal mumbled with a stupid smile plastered on her face.

     She started walking away, Kuzco commands useless now.

     “Noooooo!” he cried.

 

     “Evie,” Mallory said. “I think you’ve gone too far.”

     Evie finished pouring the chocolate over her head.

     “Why?” she asked rubbing a handful of strawberries over her collarbone.

     Mallory and Petit Gateau – who was standing on the clanswoman’s shoulder and had brought Evie the supplies she needed – traded looks. Jay and Carlos were gladly giving Evie more chocolate and strawberries for her to cover herself. Evie suspected they were just doing it to make fun of her later but she couldn’t care less. Percy was staring at her with mild amusement. Students passed by, some with widened eyes, others with expressions of pure terror – many giggled, almost all took photos. Evie didn’t care either, well, she knew it would hurt her later but as of right now she didn’t care. She was covered in chocolate from head to toe, her clothes ruined and her hair sticky. There were pieces of strawberries and smashed strawberries everywhere.

     “Obviously, she inherited the Evil Queen’s genes for obsession.” Percy said as if she was an interesting subject of study.

     “I’m not obsessed, I’m _worried_.”

     “We are in _Auradon_ ,” Jay said, though that didn’t stop him from smashing a chocolate bar over her stomach. “She can’t be hurt here.”

     “Oh, no?” Evie said. “What about bears?”

     Mallory’s left eye twitched. “There are no –”

     “What if she is mugged? Beast only arrested the criminals from then – there are new ones, now. What if somebody thinks she is pretty and –” No, Evie would not think about _that_ possibility. “What about broken glass? Low doors? What if she walks into a river? Or a lake? What if some students decided to make fun of her? What if they put horrendous clothes or costumes or… if, like, they take her clothes and take photos – blackmail, or just to humiliate. She has many enemies. Awake Mal could take on Chernabog but Sleepy Mal is very vulnerable.”

     Percy pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine, I get your point. _Okay guys, nothing to see here, keep moving. As you were._ But do you really think this is going to work?”

     Evie nodded. “My scent mixed with strawberry and chocolate? Mal won’t be able to resist.” She winced as Carlos started drawing something on her cheek with strawberry jam. The shape was suspiciously like a dick. “She’ll smell it in whatever corner of Auradon she is in and come running here. All we have to do is wait.”

     “Okay…” Percy tilted his head. “So now we know what bait to use to capture Mal.”

     Mallory frowned “Why would we need to do that?”

     “I don’t want to enter into details but I’m like Batman: I have a contingency plan for each one of you in case you go rogue.”

     “Just… capturing, right?” Carlos asked timidly.

     “I said I didn’t want to go into details.”

     Evie was about to say something when she noticed all eyes suddenly going wide. Then she felt a familiar tongue on her cheek, licking the chocolate away with great earnestness. Her heart stopped, she couldn’t believe her crazy plan had really worked. She swirled in place. Mal was barely bothered, she just started licking her nose.

     “Mal!” Evie cried grabbing Mal and drowning her in kisses, she did notice but her mind didn’t process a kiwi dangling in Mal’s hair and holding on for dear life. “You are okay! I was so worried.”

     After another five minutes of pure kisses, with Mal mumbling some pleasantries, Evie finally let her go… an inch. _Then_ her brain processed Kuzco on top her. The bird swayed.

     “I found her!” Kuzco said.

     She might’ve pointed out that no but then again Kuzco was with Mal when she arrived, which meant that somehow the kiwi had found her and had probably been trying to get her to Evie or the dorm.

     “Thank you, Kuzco,” Evie said fondly, giving him her signature smile.

     He saluted as if he were drunk. “At your service, my lady,”

     Then he fell. But Mallory was quick and grabbed him before he got anywhere near the ground (relatively speaking, Mal was always near the ground in human form).

     “Gotcha!” Mallory said chuckling. “So… you _did_ find her.”

     “I did, do I get a reward?”

     Mallory popped her jaw. Suddenly she sighed. “Aye, your cute and nice enough,”

     And just like that Mallory DunBroch leaned down and pecked Kuzco on the beak. For the passersby that seemed to be even more horrendous an occasion then Evie purposely and out of free will covering herself in chocolate. There was a puff of pink smoke and the clansgirl found herself holding an Incan prince.

     “See?!” Kuzco said spreading his arms. “Our love is true!”

     Mallory huffed, rolled her eyes and promptly dropped the boy, who fell with a girly yelp.

     “Don’t push it,” she told him.

     “Well,” Percy said clapping. “All’s well that ends well, as I say,” he said swirling on his heels. “Now, you take sleepyhead back to your dorm and … _Oh, bloody Underworld_.”

     A mob, a _very_ angry mob, had formed around them. The number and sheer diversity of their wounds, of the broken things they clutched and they demands for their stuff back – tendentiously strawberry flavored – told Evie that Mal had indeed managed to get herself into trouble while semi-conscious.

     “Kuzco,” Mallory hissed. “Is there something you wish to share with us?”

     “I think an angry mob is worth a thousand words, my beloved.”

     “Don’t call me – AH!”

     Mallory jumped against Kuzco and started cussing in Gaelic. Evie too almost jumped out of her own body in fright when Audrey stepped from the crowd. To say that her hair was not something of the natural world – to say it was some ancient god from a Lovecraftian horror tale – all those things were understatements. The fright was so big that Jay jumped into Carlos’ arms and clung there.

     “Did Mal do that to you?” Evie asked horrified.

     “No!” Audrey screamed. “Jane did. But Mal said I looked good!”

     “But she was asleep…”

     “Not an excuse!”

     “And look at the grades she made me get!” Chad bellowed brandishing an exam sheet with a great blood-red D- in the upper corner. “All the numbers were wrong! With the exception of strawberries, that was the only one I got right.”

     Carlos frowned. “How can that be right?”

     “It is a dryad numerical system,” Chad explained. “I don’t know how it works really.”

     “Nobody does,” Percy mumbled.

     Evie wrapped her arm tighter around Mal’s waist. The girl was completely oblivious to the pandemonium erupting around her, purely pleased with having Evie’s shoulder to rest on.

     “So…” she started. “You two are complaining because _you_ asked the beauty opinion of a sleeping girl and _you_ are complaining because you asked a sleeping girl, who is _not_ good in math when awake, to give you answers?”

     The couple opened their mouths and then closed them in perfect synchrony.

     “OK,” Chad said. “You gotta a point there.”

     “But these people here have a good reasons.”

     And all at once the angry mob started shouting all that Mal had done against them. Everything obviously was an accident… though she had to admit they resembled some of Mal’s more trademark pranks.

     “And where is the weird chicken that was with her?!” somebody shouted and many yelled in agreement.

     “That wasn’t a chicken – he went that way!” Kuzco said pointing to nowhere specific.

     _Okay, you can solve this._

     Calmly, albeit shaking a bit, Evie pushed Mal behind her, shielding her a bit from the mob.

     “Guys, look,” Evie started, lifting her hands in surrender. “Mal’s innocent in this – yes, it was her magic and her hands that stole from you but,” she glanced over her shoulder to where Mal serenely rested her temple against the back of her neck. “But she was completely unconscious. Look at her, she’s sleeping. She had to do some, er, studying until late last night. Percy,” Evie waved at the demigod who seemed thoroughly amused by the whole scene. “I mean, _Professor_ Percy, gave her the day off but I didn’t see the note so I dragged her along and eventually she escaped and well,” she waved at them and smiled as bright as she could. Funny thing, the villains in the Isle all but melted when she smiled, these Auradonians did not. “You know. So, resuming, this is not Mal’s fault. If any harm was done to you, it was an accident. If anything it is _my_ fault because I didn’t pay attention and because I lost my girlfriend. So leave Mal alone. It is all my fault, if you have to do something, do it to me.”

     The angry mob looked at each other and shrugged.

     “Okay,” said one girl she did not recognize, extending her hand to grab Evie. “I say we cut her hair as wergild.”

     “What – what…?” Evie said panicked grabbing at her chocolate covered hair protectively. Like, she was expecting for everybody to forgive her after giving an emotional speech like that – thanks for nothing _Save Yourself With Emotional Speeches 101_ , Mal was right, it was a waste of time.

     The others didn’t seem quite pleased with the idea either. Jay rolled his eyes and flexed his muscles. Mallory was unsheathing her knife and Percy was opening his mouth to say something – possibly about to use his professor authority, _like what he should’ve done the moment the mob first appeared_. But Evie’s panic got the best of her and she started walking backwards. Her footing slipped and she fell on her butt with a little yelp. Immediately, an underlying growl echoed in the corridor making even her bones rattle. She was bathed in purple smoke and two great saurian legs of purple scales and long jagged claws planted themselves at her side. Then it came, a roar so loud it left her dizzy. The angry mob turned as white as milk and ran away so quickly that it was miracle that they didn’t lift dust clouds.

     Mal’s soft muzzle bumped against her chest caringly, her long serpentine tail coiling around Evie in a protective gesture. She pushed her entire nose against Evie’s chest and instinctively Evie grabbed onto it, giving it a little peck. Immediately, Mal lifted her head, helping adjust Evie into a standing position. After making sure her girlfriend was steady, Mal reared her S shaped neck, blew a bit of magenta smoke and suddenly turned back to human form.

     “You OK?” she asked brushing a bit of the dust off her jacket.

     “Uh-huh,”

     Frowning, Mal stepped closer and plucked a strawberry from her cleavage.

     “Why are you covered in chocolate and strawberries?” she asked flicking said fruit in her mouth. “Not that I’m complaining – but still…”

     Evie chuckled and pulled the fairy into a hug. Looking back at her friends Evie saw that their jaws were touching the ground. Kuzco had developed a twitch on his left eye.

     “You didn’t wake up during classes.” Mallory said.

     “You didn’t wake up when you tied me up,” Jay breathed.

     “I did what know?” Mal asked frowning even more.

     “You didn’t wake up when you were stealing food from the kitchen,” Petit Gateau said.

     “That does sound like something I would do.”

     Kuzco face palmed. “You didn’t wake up after all those slaps you received –”

     “What?” Mal asked, her hands touching her cheeks.

     “ _What?_ ” Evie asked.

     “What?” Kuzco asked looking around as if it had been somebody else who had said it.

     “You didn’t wake up for all those things but all Evie did was make a sound of distress and you just…” Percy waved in a confusion of circles.

     “Well…” Mal shrugged. “Yeah, that’s kinda my thing.”

     “Okay… it would seem Evie inherited her mother’s tendency for obsession and you inherited the draconic instinct of zealousness,” Suddenly his hair erupted into blue flames and his eyes fell on Evie. He snapped his fingers. “I just had an idea.”

 

     “How you even convinced me to come up here is beyond me,” Evie said, her arms crossed.

     The sunset was almost blinding her with its orange light.

     “Percy!” Mal yelled from where Jay and Mallory were holding her. “Don’t you dare toss my girlfriend off that cliff!”

     “Don’t worry, M,” Evie reassured her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

     “OK, then, on three.”

     Evie frowned. “I just said –”

     “Three!”

     “AHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

     Immediately Mallory and Jay let Mal go and the fairy sped towards the edge and jumped. Suddenly a blur of purple shot up. A great purple dragon soared through the sky, a dot of blue on its back.

     “I’m a genius.” Percy said. Then he noticed the girls were flying away. “Hey!” he yelled. “Mal! Come back! You don’t know how to land yet!”

     “I don’t think they can hear you, dude,” Jay said.

     Percy shrugged. “Oh, well. They’ll find out eventually. Hey, do you guys want to go catch a movie?”

     “Yeah,” they said in unison.


End file.
